Divorce can be emotionally challenging, and managing your expectations during this time is crucial. It can be made harder if your divorce is highly contentious, or if you have unrealistic expectations about a potential resolution. Divorce requires compromise and its outcome may not always align with your ideal scenario.
Some of the greatest disappointments can come when you compare your divorce or situation to that of your friends. Talking to others who have been through the same experience is helpful and comforting, however, be sure that you are not comparing your divorce to theirs. Every divorce is unique, every situation is different and there are many factors in play. Remember that their experiences will not align with yours entirely. Each person’s journey is different and shaped by their own set of circumstances.
Through the divorce process, if you have retained an attorney to represent your interests and help you navigate the legal system, remember that your attorney is also not the same as your friend’s attorney. This includes style, legal tactics and fees. The amount of money that you spend for attorney’s fees and costs does not necessarily correlate with how far along you should be in the process. Hourly rates for attorneys differ, as does the number of court appearances required, and the cooperation of the opposing party. Have realistic expectations about the amount of money it costs to unentangle your life with your former spouse and establish current orders related to child and spousal support, visitation, holiday schedule, assets and debts.
California is a no-fault state which means that it does not matter why someone wants a divorce. Anyone has the right to obtain a divorce if they so desire. The judge will not “be harder” on someone because they were the asking party or were unfaithful in the marriage. Additionally, judges are not prone to simply grant custody to the mother. The courts look at the best interests of the children in all aspects surrounding visitation and custody.
Divorce is a life changing event and going into the process with reasonable expectations will help make the whole process a little more manageable.